I was so close to not posting anything this week because I had such a difficulty expressing what I am currently feeling, and I didn’t want to post just for the heck of it.
It’s so easy to write something inspirational and motivate people to change, but to actually put it into practice by facing the insecurities and fears of the past is daily practice and demands all of me.
The problem is, I was always the type of person that avoided confronting how I felt because how uncomfortable and vulnerable it made me feel, so having to face it now makes it even more difficult, especially afraid that it will stir up unwanted thoughts & emotions I've been struggling to get rid of.
I tried filling up my daily planner with activities to keep busy, and even though it helped distract me, it did not help me deal with the problem. I realized I was trying to distract myself from facing the pain and not with the intention of betting myself. This is the weak spot in my character, fear of the past and uncertainty of the future; and reason why I haven’t been able to detach myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Unless I don’t go after the source, no amount of distraction will get rid of the problem.
Here is the thing, if I only think of the past when troubles resurfaces, I make the pain bigger than what it really is and as the result I become afraid and panic, causing me to repeat the same cycle again.
So I am going to make it a daily habit to deliberately think and reflect on the past, identify and deal with the emotions, focusing on the experience, thoughts & lessons, so I can condition my mind to face anything that comes my way. Really comes to the mindset!
If I consistently keep on this path I will be able to detach the negative emotions to the pain and use it to identify the areas I am lacking strength and discipline in.
The human mind is extraordinary, and it is by our thoughts that we can either forge the weapons that can destroy us or fashion the tools to build a life full of joy, strength and peace. Making us the masters and makers of our own character.